The really suspicious character is, of course, the deer. Well there are one or more stories behind this but you are probably only going to hear this one - if you are lucky.
You see, it is this way: caribou - or reindeer - are now, quite rightly, on the endangered species list.
(Gefährdet means endangered.Must be official, its in German issued from the capital, Berlin!)
Where was I? Oh, or HO, HO, yes:
And to "traffic" in endangered species - if it were allowed - would involve an enormous amount of duct tape which I need when I kayak around the north pole in summer - getting in "shape" for Christmas. And I clearly have to return them so I need both an entry and exit permit. Probably in triplicate if I am lucky. Hence the deer: I am training them to fly a series of quantum entangled vehicles with 3D printers to deliver, on time, just in time the wishes and dreams of spoiled children. I mean, I don't have a cell phone, handy, or ipad or whatever. And for most of the time manage quite well, thank you very much!
(And I do need duct tape -
back to the story -
Speaking of getting in shape, the arctic ocean has some cool beaches that are going to be lost before they have even been discovered. Oceans are rising and I have to keep up. A sledge will not do when all the snow is gone so I have been looking into alternatives like jet boots! Can you image, me! metres up in the air with a bag full of toys! Forget it. Mary Christmas would have a fit - she, too, is not the youngest anymore. But still game:
No. It is time to start rethinking this. We are having troubles with "just" 2 million refugees - God bless them. They are, sadly, a training exercise to test yours/ours/my humanity before the great deluge brought on by climate change, global warming and the sea level rising. Then we are going to face 10s, 100s of millions of refugees from cities like London, New York, Bejing. Rivers will back up and flood inland like Montreal. Power stations on the Saint Lawrence will stop producing. The Netherlands will get it from both sides of
their dikes - they have to let the Rhein out but keep the North Sea out as well 24/7 52 weeks per increasingly energy rich stormy year.
On the lighter side - otherwise one can but cry - I have opened a research station to train dolphins to deliver packages to underwater cities via their air-locks. I have started with beaver because the are so dam good at getting through ice. (I still have some during December but it has been thinning from year to year.
So that is my rant, Dave and Susan; greatful for your help and suggestions. Now I must get back to the book-keeping - checking the list once is bad enough but these late "achievers" - who wrote my job description, anyway?
Merry Christmas to all, drive your sleighs carefully, keep your troika under control.
Ol' Nick - aka W O B