making a list, checking it twice

This landed on my North Pole this morning:

What do you think of that?

And if I were to say that it was accompanied by a piece of delicious short bread - what would you then think?




Bribery?



But you would be 100% wrong! Can you accept for a moment that I am 100% correct and that you have jumped to a falacious conclusion reflecting more about yourself than this sweet innocent person?


Here is my answer - I shall call the person "Val" for lack of a better alternative:

My Dear Val,

You expressed concern today that you have only been good for the last week or so

and would I focus on that?

Actually, your record is very much better than that and extends for much longer than just a week.

I have enjoyed your generosity - and great coffee - for a considerable length of time and wish

you the best of health and grace for many Christmases to come - and I am easily bribed by  your

delicious shortbread - but you are already in the good books so don't feel you have to.

Now, Val, I shall let you into a little secret; I feel you are mature enough to understand and won't

tell the world about it: There are just under 33 million seconds in a year - believe me, I have had to

count them often enough, and 86400sec in a day of travelling from chimney to A/C unit! Rough life

on the fringe. Where was I? Oh yes, and there are 7,500.000,000 people on earth:

http://www.worldometers.info/world-population/

That means I have to check off some 200 people per second just once. Bureaucracy! And they want me

to do it a second time? They must be kidding me. Who wrote my job description anyway? These threats

to intimidate children are adult/parent ploys which take away the meaning of love from Christmas. But

money "Trumps" over everything and Santa and charity are short changed. Pity.

Please be assured that you are my good books and I would not change that entry.

Relax, enjoy, love,

Santa - aka W O B

PS I sometimes use the name of that terrible person down the hall - I have to check up on him constantly.